Step six: pain isn’t merely a “bad” thing
It’s tempting to believe that pain is inherently “bad” and that we should avoid it as much as possible. However, pain is not simply a “bad” thing. When we bang our knee against a piece of furniture, why does it hurt? Well, it’s simply our mind’s way of telling us “please know, this will cost something to fix!” It also serves as a warning that if we were to bang it even harder it might cost even more. Similarly, why does it feel unpleasant when we’re cold? Because it costs calories to stay warm. Why do we ache when we lose a cherished friend or romantic partner? Because this loss represents a cost to our social well-being. Ultimately, our mind inflicts pain on us to make us keenly aware of things that cost something to our health, whether it is our physical health, our mental health or our social health. Things that hurt more normally represent larger health costs, while things that hurt less usually represent smaller costs.
Since pain represents costs, shouldn’t we simply avoid all painful things? No. For one, we’re often willing to pay a certain price for something, especially if it leads to something better down the road or if it helps us to avoid something worse from happening. In order to accomplish anything worthwhile in our lives, we usually have to struggle, work hard, and suffer in some way.
Even more fundamentally, it’s impossible for us to avoid all pain since our minds run on pleasure and pain, like an engine runs on fuel. If we no longer felt any pain or pleasure whatsoever, we would lose all motivation to seek or avoid things. We would stop working, playing, and eating. And we’d wither away. What happens if we somehow manage to solve all of our painful problems today? Our minds will simply come up with new painful problems for us to solve tomorrow.
Continue to step seven.